Following the recent (and very brief) outbreak of 'Foot and Mouth' disease in Glenboggin, the local doctor has now confirmed that it was in fact simply a boil on Elma Hoots-McLafferty's bottom and that it was nothing to get over-concerned about. The local panic that came about shortly after that scaremongering rag, 'The Glenboggin Bugle' started spreading the 'Foot and Mouth' rumour, and the fact that Elma claimed it was a Russian plot, wasn't helped any when an unknown resident used the local telegraphic machine to contact the scientists at the Porton Down military research facility calling for immediate help. They in turn instantly dispatched several of their top scientist to Glenboggin causing two serious problems. Firstly, no-one can locate the scientists who, after several days of searching the Scottish Highlands, have now been declared missing and presumed possibly dead, and secondly, apparently the aforementioned scientists were required for some small emergency in nearby Salisbury, Wiltshire for which they can no longer attend. In the meantime, Elma's boil exploded late last night surprising her pet cat 'Clarence' (the cat is cross-eyed) as it was lying across her nether regions at the time! (please don't ask why!)
The Glenboggin 'Twig Appreciation Society' is having a board meeting sometime in the next year or two. Dougie MacLafferty refused to join recently saying they were all 'barking' mad!
Please note: The Gleboggin Apathy Club can't be bothered to have a meeting this week.
Despite last years mole infestation, The Bowling Club will be meeting this season. However, due to the prevalence of holes in the turf a new game of Snooker Bowls has been developed.
The Glenboggin Anger Management Group will be meeting in the Glenboggin Hall on Friday at 7pm. Whta? You can' t make it! **&&^^%%££$$@@!!!!!
Big Dougie McDougie will be playing at the Glenboggin Arms on Thursday at 8pm. Lovers of traditional folk music should attend. Others are forewarned.
The Glenboggin Hypochondriacs will meet next Tuesday, health permitting. Dr Samuel Leckie from Fetterannie will speak from his considerable experience of infectious diseases, and is happy to display his cyst for a small fee. Please bring your own ointments.